Encouragement Over Criticism: What Our Kids Really Need

 

Last weekend at my son’s soccer tournament, I found myself getting frustrated, not at the refs, not at the coaches, and not even at the players. What really got to me were the parents on the sidelines. By the third game in the tournament, I realized just how much negativity was filling the air. Every mistake was pointed out, every missed opportunity called out, every “should have” voiced loudly.

What struck me was how much energy was being spent dissecting every play instead of simply enjoying the game. We won that match, and even made it to the finals, but the chatter on the side lines made it almost impossible to feel the joy of it. In between games, I mentioned this to Marcel that I was more aggravated by the constant criticism than anything happening on the field. I know I too have done this.  Recently, I’ve gone into games frustrated over coaching decisions, already negative before the first whistle. It’s exhausting, to the point where I’ve had to calm myself with meditation before games just to watch with a clearer mindset.

By the final game, the negativity was overwhelming. “They’re not fast enough.” “Their passes aren’t strong enough.” “They aren’t getting to the ball fast enough”, “They don’t want it today.” “What is wrong with them?” (These are all direct quotes and just a small portion of them.) On and on it went for the entire 60 minutes. And here’s the kicker: the game was tied 0-0. Not only was it a hard-fought, evenly matched game, but our kids were battling with everything they had. Eventually it went to overtime, then to penalty kicks, and after 12 PKs, we won the championship. It was an incredible finish!

But what really stuck with me was this: the same parents who spent the whole game criticizing suddenly shifted after the win. Now, it was all about how great the kids played, how proud they were, how hard the team worked. It felt unfair, because during the game those same kids were only hearing (and maybe even feeling) the weight of their parents’ unmet expectations.

It made me wonder: why do we do this to our kids? Why do we focus so much on what they’re not doing instead of celebrating the effort, the joy, and the love of the game? Most of the parents critiquing from the sidelines have never played soccer a day in their lives. And yet, expectations are piled high, often unrealistic, and far removed from what the kids are actually experiencing on the field.

The truth is, our children are out there giving their all. They’re running, competing, learning teamwork, and building resilience. That should be enough. Our job as parents isn’t to pick apart every move but to enjoy watching them play. To support them. To cheer for them. To let them know that win or lose, mistakes and all, we’re proud of their effort.

 

So, here’s my challenge: at your child’s next game, tally up how many negative things you say out loud. Count how many times you point out what went wrong or what “should have” been done differently. Then ask yourself: if someone did that to you at work, in your hobbies, or in your daily life, how would you feel? Would it make you want to give more, or would it make you feel defeated?

 

Let’s choose to bring more encouragement and less criticism. Because at the end of the day, these moments aren’t about perfection. They’re about our kids doing what they love and us being grateful to witness it.