What Thirty-Nine Years Taught Me About Friendship
If you've followed me for a while, you probably know I'm
an introvert. Add being a Capricorn to the mix, and my friendship circle is
intentionally small.
I know this might sound a little harsh, but I'm not
someone who is always looking to make new friends. I've also realized that
"friend groups" just aren't for me. Even in our 40s, there can still
be drama, and I've reached a place in life where I simply don't have room for
it.
Instead, the friendships that fill my heart are the
quiet ones. The one-on-one conversations over coffee. Long walks. Lunches that
somehow last for hours. Phone calls that start with, "Do you have a
minute?" and end an hour later.
I grew up in Massachusetts but went to college in
Kentucky so I have lived in Kentucky/Indiana for the past 26 years. Most of my
closest friends don't live nearby anymore, so our time together isn't frequent.
That makes every conversation and every visit even more meaningful.
For years, I thought I should enjoy the big gatherings
and endless small talk because that's what everyone else seemed to love. It
wasn't until I turned 40 that I finally admitted to myself that I didn't. And
honestly? That realization felt incredibly freeing.
This past weekend, I took the boys to Boston, where my
FF "First Friend" picked us up at the airport. We spent the day
together, before heading to a Red Sox game with her family, and it was one of
those days I'll treasure for a long time.
We had lunch, caught up on life, laughed about
parenting, and tried our best to embarrass our kids. She has two daughters,
ages 12 and 14, and my boys are 14 and 15. Naturally, we made things just
awkward enough for them to roll their eyes. That's one of the perks of being
parents.
We call each other FF because we met in kindergarten
back in 1987. Which means next year marks 40 years of friendship.
Forty years.
When our kids were little, there were seasons when
months or even years would pass without us talking much. Life was busy.
Careers, babies, school events, family responsibilities... we were simply
living life. But every time we reconnected, it felt like no time had passed at
all.
For the last several years, we've been much better about
catching up every week or two. Those 30- to 60-minute phone calls have become
one of my favorite parts of my week.
Our friendship isn't built on talking every day. It's
built on trust. We don't agree on everything. In fact, we have very different
views on a lot of topics. But we don't judge each other. We give each other
space to be exactly who we are.
She's one of the few people who can tell me, "I
don't think you're looking at this the right way," and I never feel
defensive. I know she's speaking from love and wants what's best for me. She
knows I would do the same for her.
That's what real friendship looks like.
It's not about agreeing on everything.
It's not about seeing each other every weekend.
It's not about posting pictures together on social media.
It's about knowing someone will answer the phone when
life falls apart.
It's about celebrating each other's wins without comparison.
It's about telling the truth with kindness.
It's about picking up right where you left off, even after time and distance
have done their best to get in the way.
As I've gotten older, I've realized I don't need a large
circle.
I just need a few people who know the real me.
The people who have seen every version of me over the
years.
The people who remind me who I am when I forget.
The people who make me feel like I can exhale.
If you're lucky enough to have even one friendship like
that, hold onto it.
Because friendships like these don't happen by accident.
They are built over decades, strengthened through life's
highs and lows, and become one of the greatest gifts we receive.
So today, maybe send that text. Make that phone call.
Schedule the coffee date. Or simply tell your "FF" how grateful you
are for them.
Forty years later, I know I certainly am.
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