Learning to Feel My Feelings

Learning to feel my feelings, it’s hard to admit, but this is something new for me. I’ve always been the “strong” one—the person who loves a good challenge, pushes away emotions, and embraces the hard stuff. I’ve always been able to push through anything. My friends often say, “You’re the strongest person I know.”

I even have a tattoo that means “strong.” I got it when I was 26 on a girls’ trip with my three best friends. My first friend (FF) said, “You are the strongest person I know—physically, emotionally, and mentally.” That tattoo became my motivation through so many tough times: fertility struggles, miscarriage, losing friends, parenting challenges, divorce, losing a job. You name it, I’ve used that reminder to keep going.

Being mentally strong has served me well. It’s helped me push through life’s hardest moments. But I’ve come to realize there’s a downside: I’ve avoided truly feeling my emotions. I’d rather push them down, keep my head down, and just power through. Processing my feelings? That’s not what I’ve done.

But here’s the thing: unprocessed emotions don’t just go away. They linger. They weigh you down in ways you might not even realize.

I think a lot of us do this. It’s ingrained in us from childhood. How many times did you hear, “why are you so upset”, “stop crying it’s not a big deal”, “life is hard get used to it”, “you just need to get over it”, “you are strong you will get through it?”  or “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal,”? I’ve even caught myself saying things like that to my kids. But what those words really teach us is that our feelings don’t matter, that we should bury them and move on.

When I went through my divorce, I made a decision: I was going to allow myself to feel my feelings. And honestly? I’m pretty sure my friends and family didn’t know what to do with me!

I had really low days. Good days. Bad days. Lazy days. Productive days. Days when I cried. Days when I just wanted to be alone. And I let myself feel all of it. I journaled. I meditated. I walked, I listened to sad music. I even ate chocolate—which, for me, is a big deal because I don’t usually eat sugar!

But I also made sure to keep working out because it’s my therapy. I told people I wasn’t okay. I didn’t fake it. I cried to friends and family. I let my kids know when I was having a tough day and needed quiet or a bath or just time with them. I asked for empathy, set boundaries, and gave myself grace.

It was both the hardest and most amazing thing I’ve ever done.

For so many years, I felt like I couldn’t share my feelings for two reasons: first, because I was always seen as “the strong one,” and second, because my feelings were often invalidated or dismissed, making me believe they were wrong. I told myself no one wanted to hear about my emotions. You’re supposed to tough it out, right? Crying is a sign of weakness. But here’s the truth: none of that is true.

It’s incredibly freeing to process your emotions instead of burying them. I’m learning that true strength isn’t about pretending you’re okay all the time. It’s about being brave enough to feel, to heal, and to let others see you in those vulnerable moments.

So, here’s my reminder to you: it’s okay to not be okay. Let yourself feel. You’ll come out stronger for it. I love the quote by Robert Frost "The best way out is always through."

The life lesson in this is that true strength doesn’t come from suppressing your emotions or pretending everything is fine—it comes from allowing yourself to feel, process, and move through them. When we bottle up our feelings, we carry them as hidden burdens that can weigh us down for years. By facing our emotions head-on, we not only free ourselves from that weight but also give ourselves the opportunity to heal, grow, and connect more deeply with others. It’s a reminder that vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s a powerful act of self-compassion and resilience. Letting yourself feel is one of the bravest things you can do.

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