Co-Parenting with Purpose: A Father’s Day Reflection

 

When my ex-husband and I divorced, our boys were just 2 and 3 years old. They don’t remember a time when we lived under one roof, but they’ve always known love, stability, and a strong parenting team.

We made a decision early on: our kids would come first, always.

Coming from a “typical 90s divorce” myself, where parents didn’t speak, barely made eye contact, and created anxiety in every shared room, I knew I wanted something different. And we built it.

As Father’s Day approaches, I feel immense gratitude. Not only for the relationship I have with my children’s father, but also with his wife and his parents. We’re truly a parenting team. We bake cookies for Santa together, sit side-by-side at soccer games, and share inside jokes. At a recent tournament, three separate people commented on how well we co-parent. The boys have even asked after watching movies about divorced parents that don’t get along, “Do divorced people really act like that?”

They’ve been raised by four loving parents who’ve always put them first. And while this path isn’t always easy, it’s absolutely worth it.

Here’s what helped us build a co-parenting relationship we’re proud of:

1. Let go of ego and blame.
This is where many people stay stuck,for years, even decades. Blame and resentment prevent healing. Take responsibility for your part, forgive, and move forward,or yourself, your kids, and your future.

2. Stay aligned on values.
You likely had shared parenting values when your children were born. Divorce doesn’t change that. Stay focused on what’s best for the kids and adapt together as they grow.

3. Keep kids out of adult problems.
Your children aren’t your messengers, therapists, or referees. Adult issues should stay between adults.

4. Speak with respect, even when it’s hard.
Disagreements will happen. But speaking negatively about your co-parent to your children only hurts them. Always model respect.

5. Be grateful for the past it brought you here.
Our boys were born after seven IVF cycles. Our journey wasn’t easy, but it led to two incredible kids. I’m grateful for that chapter and for the life we’ve built since. Both of us found love and happiness again, if we had changed anything in the past we would not be the people we are today, nor would our boys, and they are pretty amazing!

If you’re struggling to get to this place, start here:

• Focus on what you can control: your words, your energy, your healing.
• Set boundaries that protect your peace and your children’s.
• If possible, get support, whether it’s therapy, coaching, or simply a trusted friend to help you process emotions.
• Keep asking: “Is this decision helping my child feel safe and loved?”

You don’t have to be best friends with your ex to co-parent well. You just need to commit to showing up for your child, over and over again, with love, maturity, and intention.

This Father’s Day, I hope you’ll take a moment to reflect on what kind of parenting legacy you’re building. It’s never too late to rewrite the story and show your kids how to heal a relationship.