Conversations With My Kids: This Week’s Lesson Was Integrity

 

Being a parent isn’t easy, but it’s full of joy, especially as the boys get older. Lately, I’ve been seeing more and more of those little life lessons that pop up in everyday moments. Part of my job as a parent is to help my boys recognize those lessons and, hopefully, carry them with them as they grow into kind, strong, and grounded human beings. I like to share these conversations I have with my kids in case it helps another parent going through something similar or to hear any advice on how I could handle it differently.

A lot of these lessons seem to come through sports. And I honestly think that’s one of the reasons every kid should play sports. It’s not just about being good at a sport, or even about winning. It’s about learning how to lose, how to be coached by someone you like and someone you don’t. It’s about learning to push your body, work with a team, set goals, and stay committed even when it’s uncomfortable.

This week’s lesson was about integrity. My oldest son Braxton just started high school and has two-a-day practices: conditioning in the morning, tactical in the evening. After his first session, he got in the car feeling proud—he ran the two miles without stopping, something only three of the boys did. But then he said, “I passed so-and-so, and somehow he still finished before me.” That opened the door to talk about integrity.

Braxton is an honest kid. He’s the one who will run all eight laps even if he’s the last one, because cutting corners just isn’t who he is. I love that about him. And I used this moment to help him understand that not everyone shares that value, but that it’s exactly why it matters. Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one’s watching. Even when it doesn’t benefit you. Even when someone else cheats and ends up ahead. That’s a lesson that carries far beyond sports.

I told him this doesn’t just happen with kids, adults fall short on integrity too. That reminded me of something that happened the weekend before at my younger son Easton’s soccer tournament. For the first game, Easton left his goalie jersey in the car. I had washed it and packed it in a different bag, I was running to the rest room before the game so he called me to bring it back with me. I got there 35 minutes before the game started, but when I handed it to him, he said he wasn’t allowed to play because he was “late.”

That was frustrating. He wasn’t actually late, but I understand that rules are rules. If you’re not dressed, and ready at a certain time, you sit out the first half. Fine. What bothered me was what happened next.

In the second game that day, the coach himself showed up late. Every parent noticed and someone even joked, “Should he bench himself or run laps?” Then the next day, another player showed up 30 minutes late, walked onto the field, and started the game. No consequence. The rule suddenly didn’t apply.

That was the real lesson. It showed my son and every other kid and parent watching that integrity wasn’t being upheld. We talked to the coach about it, and to his credit, he admitted he needed to be more consistent. But I also used it as a chance to talk with both Braxton and Easton. I told them this won’t be the last time they see people bend rules or ignore standards. As long as they live with integrity and holds themselves accountable, they will always be able to stand tall, no matter what the scoreboard says.

There are a million life lessons out there, but I’ve found that sports create a natural way to teach them. Our kids may not always hear us, but when the lesson lines up with something they care about—like soccer for my kids—they’re more likely to listen and grow from it.